Letting go of FEAR.

(Orginally written December 19, 2019)

It's been four months since What the Funk and it's been quite difficult for me to accept my part in its creation and execution. When I talk about What the Funk, it's almost like an outer body experience, I feel very removed from it. I praise everyone else involved in making it happen. I try not to take any credit for anything.

I recently discovered a main component of why that is.

Fear.

Fear of being seen as conceited. Fear of being seen as a narcissist. Fear of being seen as bragging. Fear of people talking and whispering about me behind my back. Fear that as a newer burlesque producer (not quite 3 years under my panel skirt) that it was a fluke. Fear that people are wishing for my collapse and downfall. Fear of responding wrong to compliments.

Fear.

I created and co produced What the Funk?! An All POC Burlesque Festival. All three nights sold out with standing room only opening and closing nights. I managed all sponsorships for the festival. I did the graphic design for our posters and programs. I planned and coordinated the bulk of our merchandise orders. I picked my team and they were a great team. I made choices that got us to the finish line.

For the first time in almost 4 months I can actually honestly say I am proud of myself. I'm proud of me. I made history. You hear that world, I made history ❤

A performer in the opening show for the Savannah Burlesque Festival came up to me last night. I gushed about her act, because it was stunning. She looked at my nameplate necklace and said, "What the Funk?! That festival made a huge impression out here, people are so excited about it. Thank you for what you created." I struggled with what to say, my joyfriend squeezed my hand and I finally said, "Thank you, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that. Thank you."

Fear has held me back in the last 4 months of 2019. Paralyzed with it. I refuse to be held down in 2020 by fear. I will rejoice in my successes. I will continue to grow as both a performer and producer. I will celebrate and continue to strive to be someone that I can be proud of. Fear will not hold me back, I release its hold on my thoughts, on my heart and on my soul.

What has fear held you back from?